Newsie #6 : 24 February 1999

A PEEK INTO MY PAGES

I FINALLY got my personal address book working... Yipee-yow-yei! I thought I would never make it to NEWSIE number 6! I lost most of the old names in the address book, and I changed my directory to their respective aliases. I don't know what it is with numbers but I observed that people use it frequently. Maybe there's something lucky behind numbers 13, 22, and 74.

I am not writing anything yet inside my "Pages" (a name I gave to my journal) for the past week which really drives me crazy! I had to read every nitty gritty thing I wrote for the last 8 and a half months---it's taking me a long, long time just to finish the whole volume because the only time I get to read it is before I sleep at night.

So I thought maybe it I would be okay if I let all of you take a peek inside my "Pages" since it is the reason I haven't been reacting much about anything right now. Here it goes...

December 10, 1998

I am beginning to appreciate myself for who I am. In fact, I'm beginning to enjoy learning who I am.

Kanina while we were on our way to Rory's (former executive director of PBSP) place at Loyola Grand Villas, Michelle and Princess were talking about their ex-boyfriends. Princess mentioned about her missing having a boyfriend because of the hugs and the taga-sundo, but the commitment---that she could not take.

I asked them what commitment is all about.

They said: It's hard to explain what commitment is.

I said: Then, what is it? My idea of commitment is marriage.

They: (Violent reactions) then Princess said, "It's the things you have to do. Iyon mga DAPAT. Dapat magkita kayo once a week. Dapat magpaalam ka bago ka lumabas with your friends.

Dapat... dapat... dapat.

In the first place, what is important here is that you both enjoy each other's company, hindi ba?

Why stick to what is "DAPAT" when you can change all that and set your own standards. It's important to keep all lines of communication open for a relationship to work.

I see it as a form of thoughtfulness to inform the other person where you'll be going (at hindi dahil DAPAT kang magpaalam).

If you want to keep the reationship going, make small sacrifices---not BIG ones! You go see each other not because you have to but because you want to.

I'm glad I do not have a boyfriend. I am at peace with my self and very much grounded into me---I like this feeling. Even if I see other people as a threat to this inner peace, I just wish I could stay this way---grounded as to who I am and what I want in life.

I feel like I'm resting. My heart's at rest and I'm focusing on self-love. I hope I'll be able to figure out whether I'm more masculine or more feminine.

You know what?

It's so darn hard to find a partner in this lifetime. Yet, there are a lot of people who separate ways. Finding one's true love is a blessing in itself. Unfortunately, many do not see it that way.

My way of summarizing the month of February while I was still writing my life in December.

NEWS FLASH!!! By the way, has anybody heard the news about the Mass Comm student who was killed last week (I think that was Friday). My friend and I were talking about it and according to her, may away nga ngayon ang mga fraternities ng U.P. (they're all up to their old game of pa-macho-han, pataasan ng ihi at patigasan ng titi!).

Na-tiyempo lang naman na nakatambay daw iyon estudyante sa may benches malapit sa tapat ng tambayan ng Scintilla Juris (this is according to GMA News last Monday). Anyway, siya nga ang nabaril, I don't know the guy pero sayang at graduating pa naman. Asenso na frats ng U.P. ngayon, hindi lang baseball bat, tubo at balisong ang binabaon sa eskwelahan, nagbabarilan na rin sila! Some of our fraternities have evolved into gangs who are all out for blood and revenge...

Note: Wala na naman akong kagana-ganang magsulat, sorry if I sound boring. Let's just hope that the next NEWSIE will be more alive, alert, awake, enthusiastic!