Newsie #28 : 17 July 2001

REWIND

"Tangina! Bakit nga ba ako walang boyfriend hanggang ngayon?"

I think, for now, it's time I ended this question. I have been postponing to write this down in the hopes that:

A. I might get lucky on my 25th birthday.

Funny about it, I also said that on my 22nd, 23rd, or 24th birthday. Who knows? God might actually be nice to me and send me a man of my own as a present. He might surprise me with a cake where out comes a naked man once I blow off the candles. Well, He created Eve out of Adam's ribs so why would it be hard to put a man inside a cake?! But it never happened...not on my 22nd, not on my 23rd or 24th...and definitely not on my 25th birthday.

Does this mean God is not listening? Naaah! Why blame it on somebody else when it is I who should be the one responsible looking for my somebody who I can love.

But as long as that somebody would not turn out on my 26th birthday, then, I'll still be hoping for him on my 27th, 28th, 29th and yes, even on my 100th birthday if I am still live and single for that long.

B. I might come to realize that the things I wrote about not believing in the concept of a boyfriend about three years ago would eventually change---unfortunately it still has not.

There exists somewhere within this tangled connection we call the "Web" a page which my friend made for me to house some of my deepest thoughts and tons of my angst. And in one brief moment, I actually said these things...

I just finished reading July 29, 1998---the way I see it, my belief about a boyfriend was probably a little bit altered from the way other people see it.

First of all, how did I define a boyfriend in my journal?

He is the man I am going to marry---we've set the date and the place and all the things that go with it and we're just waiting for the wedding day. Other people call it their fianceé but it's still boyfriend to me.

Second, what's my idea of commitment?

Marriage itself, that's commitment.

I know some people who say they have no concept of love, I think it's okay but sad since I don't agree with them. Anyway, it's their opinion...

I, on the other hand, don't believe in the concept of having a boyfriend---probably some would reply, "Louie, just wait for the right guy." For others, "Oh, she's probably bitter about the whole thing." Or probably, "Siya kasi, she's not exerting any effort to find one." Or it could also be, "Baka naman kainin mo iyan sinasabi mo..."

Please spare me... I've tried and I've tried to believe in the boyfriend concept but I don't feel at ease with the idea. I feel like a desperate woman everytime I try to swallow "other" people's ideas. "Probably because you haven't had one," another person might react. No, it's not just my thing.

If I don't believe I should have a boyfriend what then? I still believe there's a person for me somewhere... I believe in a soulmate.

How do I meet him? Accidental changes that completely alters both our paths so that we'll cross our way.

When do I meet him? When we're both ready.

When will that be? In the near future.

Ever heard of sychronicity? It's something that you wanted in your mind and with some strange luck or coincidence it eventually happens. In a strange way, it's a living proof that the universe provides.

Therefore, QUIT IT WITH THE BOYFRIEND QUESTION!!! (from NEWSIE #5)

C. I have dates and friendships that might actually metamorphosize into something deeper.

Would they remain as the low-life caterpillar slash scum of the universe that they are? Or would they prove themselves worthy and turn out to be a beautiful butterfly? I guess all I have to do is wait and see.

As of now, I would have to live with none. And, at least, I am not concluding it rather hastily.

Oh! By the way, I may not have a boyfriend or a set of ex-boyfriends but I can gauge from where I am standing right now that I have had good relationships with boys who are now my friends.

This article also appeared in
peyups.com last July 17, 2001.